We could use more women like her.
Dr. Helen Smith: Most of the complaints and emails I get from men have to do with their personal relationships with women. They are on the fence about getting married, getting too involved with women and are very concerned about the misandry that is rampant in our culture. They are afraid they will lose their livelihoods, their kids and their relationship if their marriage does not work out and the courts and society will be against them.
I think men’s biggest problem is not being willing to fight back against a female for any reason. It is in-bred through evolution and culture that men take whatever is dished out by a female and remain silent or give in. Just watch any show or take a look at the marriages around you to see that men acquiesce in relationships time and time again and are trained in our society to do so.
BC: It seems that males readily accept their own diminishment. Is this a product of chivalry?
Dr. Helen Smith: My colleague and friend, Richard Driscoll, has a new book out entitled, You Still Don’t Understand, in which he spends two chapters discussing chivalry. He states that it has been found that women berate men their husbands almost twice as often as men berate their wives. “Chivalrous standards,” he explains, “accept women who complain about being mistreated and oppressed, but it is extraordinarily foolish for a man to complain as he would reveal himself a loser and a weakling and would garner contempt or pity but no support.”
BC: Does chivalry serve any purpose anymore? Can the concept and practice of chivalry co-exist with the notion of equality?
Dr. Helen Smith: Chivalry initially was about survival of the species, in some sense. Men who protected women were more likely to mate with them, or were given rewards from the tribe for doing so whereas men who were cowards or scumbags were ostracized. Chivalry, according to Driscoll, seemed to have functioned over hundreds of thousands of years to keep families together, obligating men to support their wives and children and punishing men who failed to do so.
However, families have changed. Now chivalry acts to drive families apart. Family courts try to punish men for not supporting the woman and deny that fathers are important in order to protect mothers. The result is more fighting in the family and driving the man out of the lives of his kids. Boys are more likely to become delinquent, angry and emotionally disturbed and girls are more likely to be promiscuous and have emotional issues without their father present. With equality, we must reduce our tendency to side with women to the detriment of men, it is unfair, sexist, and results in tearing families apart.