Barocky Road

Baskin-Robbins celebrates the Era of the Messiah with a new flavor.

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised, and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow. The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you. You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.

Celbratory Ode

John Derbyshire, poet laureate.

All hail the brave and wise Latina!
Compelling is her story!
And jurisprudent her demeanor —
She’s on the path to glory!

At SCOTUS she’ll make policy
(What need for legislators?)
More jobs! More opportunity!
For twofer second-raters.

Latina wisdom, egged on by
La Raza mischief-makers,
With fill her soul with empathy
(Though not for white test-takers).

Beyond Chutzpah

“I’ve bankrupted the nation, so now your only hope is to pass my healthcare plan.”

The Obama Three-Step

Krauthammer with your Messiah-Induced Chuckle OTD:

(a) excoriate the Bush policy, (b) ostentatiously unveil cosmetic changes, (c) adopt the Bush policy.

Obama Man!

Just Wondering

If, hypothetically speaking, Obama were a narcissistic, power-mad, America-hating fascist, what would He be doing differently?

Update:

He really is the Parody-Proof President. Good thing he isn’t a Republican or he’d get endless ribbing in the press for saying something this inane:

Appearing in the Rose Garden today to announce his plan to cap auto emissions, President Obama opened by saying, “What an extraordinary day. The sun is out, because good things are happening.”

It’s “Laugh or Cry” Time Again With Joe Biden

Joe Biden’s mouth got behind his brain’s power curve. Again.

According to a report, while recently attending the Gridiron Club dinner in Washington, an annual event where powerful politicians and media elite get a chance to cozy up to one another, Biden told his dinnermates about the existence of a secret bunker under the old U.S. Naval Observatory, which is now the home of the vice president.

Update:

And when his boss tries to be funny…

A Good Argument Against Obama’s Spending Plan

Guess who said this:

“We can’t keep on just borrowing from China. We have to pay interest on that debt, and that means we are mortgaging our children’s future with more and more debt.”

“It will have a dampening effect on our economy.”

Yes.

Topless Photos

of gay marriage opponent leaked.

Update:

More.

Happy Cuatro de Cinco!

Once again, President “57 States” has to be glad that his last name isn’t Bush.

(Apologists will point out that May is the fifth month, and the months in Japanese are just numbers, so He was actually just being Pacific Rim Hip.)

Update:

At this blog, at least, I will be poking fun and laughing at this eminently risible president as often and as loudly as I feel like. And trust me, his race(s) have nothing to do with it, no matter how much He or His sycophants want to play that card.

I mean, He is funny in ways that Bush never really was. And Biden? Where does one even start?

AP: Hard-Hitting News You Need

Important event at the White House. In-depth coverage vital to every American.

But the AP needs to dig deeper. Missing from this report: The flowers that spontaneously bloomed beneath Their feet. The ethereal faerie music. The ponies and unicorns at play. The kittens.

Where are the frollicking fuzzy little kittens, dammit!

The GaffeMeister

I knew after the election that Biden would provide a lot of laughs.

In that he does not disappoint. Roger Simon agrees:

Joseph Biden is frankly a comic character and we are lucky to have him. Things are just too grim these days – what with the putative swine flu catastrophe, the economic decline and Islamopsychos on the rise in Iraq again. We need a little Biden in our life. Kinda takes the edge off, listening to him bluster non sequiturs about the coming (or not) pandemic, telling us his family won’t be taking any public transportation at the same time he insists we shouldn’t close the border.

Funny stuff.

Dumb Idea

I’d really like to know who requested that New York photo op.

I note that there is no mention anywhere of a chase plane, meaning the photos were intended to be taken from the ground. It’s possible that this mission originated at the Pentagon but my instinct is that He is behind this somehow.

Update:

Do I win?

Bumped:

President Investigates Own Incompetence: Hilarity Ensues

Spin This

The One, 100 days in, is less popular than Nixon and the Nasty Little Man.

According to Gallup’s April survey, Americans have a lower approval of Mr. Obama at this point than all but one president since Gallup began tracking this in 1969. The only new president less popular was Bill Clinton, who got off to a notoriously bad start after trying to force homosexuals on the military and a federal raid in Waco, Texas, that killed 86. Mr. Obama’s current approval rating of 56 percent is only one tick higher than the 55-percent approval Mr. Clinton had during those crises.

And the chickens haven’t even turned toward the roost yet. Except maybe one big blue one…

Domestic Dependence

It’s a good thing He isn’t a Republican else we’d be hearing nothing but Telemprompter jokes.

I Can’t Keep Up

I’m having a devil of a time separating joke from reality when it comes to this misadministration.

I thought the story about The Annointed One giving an iPod as a gift to Her Royal Highness was an April Fools joke. Surely after bungling his gifts to the PM so badly He wouldn’t do something as – tacky – as this.

Not only did he do it, some folks wonder if it was even legal.

Update:

Is it time to dust off the old generic Dan Quayle jokes?

The Honeymoon is Officially Over

When even SNL can see the abuse of power, the tide has changed. As seems typical for SNL since, oh, Dan Aykroyd left, the sketch goes on well past the point of being funny. But check it out.

Hey, at least they loved The One in Turkey.

The Question that Flummoxed the Great Orator

In The Guardian, no less, signs that they see the Emperor as underdressed.

We were seeing the same mismatch between the regulatory regimes that were in place and er … pause [I’VE LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT AGAIN] … the highly integrated, er, global capital markets that have emerged … pause [I’M REALLY WINGING IT NOW]. So at this point, I’m less interested in … pause [YOU] … identifying blame than fixing the problem. I think we’ve taken some very aggressive steps in the United States to do so, not just responding to the immediate crisis, ensuring banks are adequately capitalised, er, dealing with the enormous, er … pause [WHY DIDN’T I QUIT WHILE I WAS AHEAD?] …

Mark Steyn theorizes on the motive behind this new clarity.

It makes an instructive contrast with the hopeychangey sob-sisters of the US media, and one that may not be unrelated to the latter’s impending rendezvous with destiny.

Barack Obama, Suuuuper Geeeenius

Ain’t It Grand to Have Experts?

‘Cause without them there experts we rubes wouldn’t know fancy stuff like this.

But presidential experts from the right and left who spoke with The Hill said that if gaffes keep adding up, Obama may be damaged by incidents ranging from a foot in the mouth to a protocol faux pas.

“Gaffes do shape the public perception of the president because the mistakes that one makes reveal how you think and what you’re doing,” said Darrell M. West, vice president and director of Governance Studies at the Brookings Institution. “Ultimately, that can add up to an unfavorable public profile.”

Gee, Cletus. Ya think?

President Doofus

So, apparently, The One is firing off letters to Italy without knowing who’s in charge over there.

He also sent a letter to Italian President Giorgio Napolitano (a member of the now defunct Communist Party), expressing confidence that the United States and Italy would work together “to overcome the current global political and economic hardships and build a safer world.”  The only problem with the letter was that the Italian president does not make policy; that power resides with the prime minister and his cabinet.  Perhaps the White House czars have issued an ukaz stipulating that the American president writes only to his peers, and thus instead of addressing himself to Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, President Obama wrote to a man who holds an almost entirely ceremonial position.

Luckily for The Messiah His name isn’t Bush or the press would never let him live this down.

Don’t read the rest of the article or you’ll just see how Barry is fumbling Iran.

Dear Barry

It’s time for another installment of America’s best advice column.

Dear Barry:

Our 12 year old son Tyler is developmentally disabled. Tyler’s learning center has a Special Olympics program and we (along with his teachers) have been encouraging him to participate. Every time we bring it up to him, however, Tyler pushes back and becomes very withdrawn. We love Tyler very much and don’t want to force him into it, but we think the Special Olympics would be a terrific experience and help him conquer his shyness and introversion. Do you have any suggestions for helping him get past this fear?

Jean and Ted in Westmont

Dear Jean and Ted:

As you know I am a big fan of the Special Olympics program, and all the good things it does for young Mongoloid-Americans like your son. Nothing inspires more than the sight of these heroic young tards hilariously giving it their all in the arena of friendly athletic competition. Extra-chromosome? More like extra-awesome! That’s why I recently volunteered, on the advice of my damage control team, as an equipment manager for the U.S. Special Olympics bowling squad. At first I wasn’t sure how I would feel about polishing other people’s balls for a change, but I think those tards really appreciate what I’ve done for them. Lately they started calling me “Special O.”

YouTube Diplomacy

The Obamateur Hour continues. The Bush administration had a frustrating lack of clarity in its Iran policy. But sending a video? Words fail me.

For nearly three decades relations between our nations have been strained. But at this holiday we are reminded of the common humanity that binds us together.

Yeah, nothing like bombing our civilians and killing our troops to “strain” relations, huh Barry?

Charles, at LGF, put it well:

The mullahs are laughing today, knowing that Barack Obama will do nothing to stop them from gaining the ultimate weapon. This isn’t just ill-advised, it’s disastrous. Barack Obama just hung a huge “Kick Me” sign on America’s back.

Well, I’m sure He’ll show ’em. If Iran nukes Israel He’ll put some stern comments on Ahmadinejad’s FaceBook page.

At this rate The Messiah is going to do the impossible: He’s going to make me long for the days of the Nasty Little Man.

Update:

Mark Steyn says not to worry. The video probably won’t work in Iranian VCRs.

Another Update:

Just for the record, I chose the title for this post before Drudge did. Or at least before I saw his page. A case of (obvious) parallel development.

For a Guy Who Walks on Water This is Pretty Clumsy

Good grief. If we keep track of every witless remark the Messiah makes we’ll sound like those Bush-deranged Berkeleyites with the “Somewhere in Texas there’s a village missing its idiot” bumper stickers on their Priuses.

Except that we won’t be exaggerating.

The first appearance by a sitting president on “The Tonight Show” may well end up being the last.

President Obama, in his taping with Jay Leno Thursday afternoon, attempted to yuk it up with the funnyman, and ended up insulting the disabled.

Towards the end of his approximately 40-minute appearance, the president talked about how he’s gotten better at bowling and has been practicing in the White House bowling alley.

He bowled a 129, the president said.

“That’s very good, Mr. President,” Leno said sarcastically.

It’s “like the Special Olympics or something,” the president said.

It’s maybe at least the last time he goes on TV without his security blanket.

Update:

Priceless. (And I updated the “security blanket” link, above.)

To “Tacky” we can confidently add “Clueless”

Except that Clueless wasn’t one of the movies.

Alas, when the PM settled down to begin watching them the other night, he found there was a problem.
The films only worked in DVD players made in North America and the words “wrong region” came up on his screen. Although he mournfully had to put the popcorn away, he is unlikely to jeopardise the special relationship – or “special partnership”, as we are now supposed to call it – by registering a complaint.

Let’s just keep asking: What would the press have done if Bush had pulled such a gaffe?

Update:

Mark Steyn has a great idea.

When the President and his Teleprompter visit London for the G20 summit in a couple of weeks, it would be a tragedy were Barack Oprompta to rise for his big speech to find nothing but the words “Wrong Region” flashing on his screen (although I’m sure the Queen would be very polite and string along and make all the swells stand up and join the toast to “Ron Region”, whoever he is).

When Will Obama Seek Help

for His teleprompter dependency?

A laughing Mr Obama returned to the podium to take over but it seems the script had finally been switched and the US president ended up thanking himself for inviting everyone to the party.

Laura Ingraham wondered on her show yesterday if he gets special massages to treat his Tennis Match Neck.

Update:

JammieWearingFool posits the rhetorical question:

Imagine if George W. Bush had such a crutch and pulled a monster gaffe like this. It would be played 24/7 on television until the end of time.

For some strange reason, the networks refuse to release video of this great moment in hilarity.

Update, March 26, 2009

It turns out that there are two very good reasons why the networks did not release any video. The first is that only print pool reporters were allowed, so there was no video to release. The second is that the reported gaffe never happened.

“Then it was Cowen’s turn, and he was in for a surprise. ‘We begin by welcoming today a strong friend of the United States,’ he said–then stopped in surprise as he realized he was reading President Obama’s speech off the teleprompter. ‘Why don’t these things work for me?’ he asked, as the crowd roared. ‘Thank you for having us. Who said these things were idiot-proof?’ Then he got his bearings and gave the same talk that he delivered in the East Room.  When he ended, at 8:12, Obama stepped to the microphone and said, ‘First, I’d like to say thank you to President Obama…(much laughter). Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, everybody.’ Then we were escorted out.”

The Messiah and his faithful dog, Manfred, are gaffe machines. No need for anybody to invent moments that never were.

Welcome Back!

Heh.

Also, go here and keep hitting refresh.

Dear Barry

Barry on selecting just the right gift.

With my busy schedule of entertaining foreign dignitaries and celebrities at the White House, I know how important a well chosen gift can be. Two weeks ago, for example, we received a visit from British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The Prime Minister brought a few housewarming gag gifts including a pen set made from a boat, a framed paper thing from another boat, and some old books by Churchill (not Ward, but that English guy). Obviously we wanted to return the nice gesture so I sent my interns out on a scavenger hunt for an appropriate present. They couldn’t find anything in the West Wing, but luckily Costco was open and was running a 25-for-the-price-of-10 clearance sale in the DVD department. You should have seen Mr. Brown light up when he opened that sack of classic titles like “Wizard of Oz” and “Baby Geniuses 2.” I like to think those DVDs helped cement our Anglo-American “special relationship” even if, as he mentioned to me, they probably wouldn’t work in his European player. Thinking quickly, I told the PM I would send him an American DVD player as soon as I earned enough cash-back points on my Costco card. Crisis averted, but that episode taught me a valuable lesson: always keep a stock of gifts handy in case some foreign poobah or supreme religious figure or failing industry leader pops by for coffee. As a result, I make sure the Oval Office closet is filled with pre-wrapped Sham-Wows and Snuggle blankets and trillion dollar bailout packages for whatever gift emergency might arise.

The Virtual President

The Mocap POTUS.

Thousand Words Dept.